Notes

Words

Notepad, My doodle Pad.. A place where I can write my random thoughts and views.. I am no longer afraid of rejection or being seen as strange or odd… I am learning how to love myself and I am sharing a “little” of the real me….. one step at a time and I have a long road ahead, but I am making the difficult first steps… please feel free to read my “crazy” However I will not tolerate negative behavior… we have enough pain and suffering in this world, there is no need to spread more misery….

Thank you
Jamie Larsen

My Truth

My Truth

 A page for my random thoughts                           My Truth, My madness, my soul....

And I shall give it to you,
All that I have kept safely inside
My secret place...
Far Away from the vultures and 
wolves That have continued to 
circle my Path. 
Many have tried to find it,
Many have tried to charm
Me into revealing its 
location..
But I have kept it safe, 
kept it alive...
And when I am ready,
I shall give to you,
All the treasures that I have 
Nurtured Inside...

"Jamie Larsen"

4/5/16
Somedays,
It doesn't even feel real.
Mechanical, and mundane,
Cold, and indifferent....
Going through the motions. 
A world of grey...
Somedays,
I wonder if any of us,
Is even truly alive...

"Jamie Larsen"
3/10/16

I gaze at them with wonder, all these beautiful images of nature... And if I close my eyes I can imagine that I am there.. I still remember how nature feels and smells. I can imagine then golden sunsets warmth on my face, the cool sand In between my toes... I can hear the music in the air, as the birds sing their love songs... I can smell the fresh cut grass and sweet nectar in the air..my eyes would widen as they soaked in all of gods glorious colors. I can hear the quiet stream, trickling over the smooth rocks... I run my fingers over the stones and become one with time. I can feel the cool rain as it runs slowly down my body, Each drop as unique and precious as the one before. I can smell the sent of leather and hear how it cracks under my weight, I can remember how big I felt climbing into the saddle and how it felt to run my hands through a horses mane.. How I felt both powerful and small to ride a truly free spirit, and how the sound of pounding hooves resembled that of a strong heartbeat.. Yes, I remember... And I shall never forget and perhaps I should be thankful for the time I had to enjoy what I always loved most... 

"Jamie Larsen"

4/5/16
I can't believe that I once cared so much. I was so afraid of being seen as weird or strange.. So afraid of rejection... Now I believe I am wise enough to understand that one shouldn't put so much energy into worrying about how someone with flaws and sins, that run just as deep as yours, thinks of you.... We are all Fucked up... Just in different ways... I feel it is wise to always fall back to this thought when faced with judgment, rejection, or seeking acceptance... If you feel the need to be loved and admired by all those that cross your path... Your in for a long and painful journey....not easy altering your character and patterns, but it can be done with much work.. I may still have a long ways to go but I am thankful I was able to make that first step..

"Jamie Larsen"

4/6/16
If I look back, on my past, my breath becomes still...
What I endured, what I faced, the amount 
Of torment, and evil... Can't be put into words...nor do I wish to speak it, or reveal it. It doesn't only haunt me, it is a part of me... I could scream why, I could choose to Deny it... Pretend it doesn't exist... But that would mean all was done in vain. It has altered me, refocused me... And put me on a different path. Many would say I am broken... That I must come back to everyone else's reality, however I don't think that would be wise... Even if I could, become like everyone else..... I would choose not too.... The darkness of this world has given me sight.... Maybe I am being humbled, or even punished... However I see it as schooling of some sort. Each lesson, more difficult than the last.... Pushing me to the point of insanity. But I rise, scarred, mangled and weak.... But I rise, and when I rise, I rise with new eyes...
Eyes, that see what others don't... Eyes that don't fit in here.... Eyes that lead me further and further away, and where they are taking me I do not know... I don't even know if I am passing or failing this test... 
It is a lonely road... And my soul does ache for connection and compassion. For love...
But what we want, isn't always what we need, and I must have faith that one day all this pain will go away. 

"Jamie Larsen"

4/6/16

I am not complete..
I am Not one thing or 
two things..
I am everything...
I am love and joy,
Hate and sorrow,
Envy and jealousy 
Desire and lust..
I hide well just like 
everyone else..
But soon will come the 
time,
For me to embrace 
and Face,
To accept and submit..
To peel off the layers
And reveal my true 
face..
Not just to others..
But more importantly,
To myself..

"Jamie Larsen"

3/4/16

Morning thought...

Many claim they want the truth, that they want different and unique. However I have found that few have interest in anything past themselves. We are cut off from the world and from others.. We are concealed and trapped inside our own minds. Making it difficult to empathize and conceive others feelings and views. We are to busy being human to see the world as it is, how sad I find this... Because to see the world as spirit is to truly live... As long as we live in flesh, we shall never truly make a sincere connection.... Our souls long and scream for each other, needing to connect and be as one.... Our flesh screams and needs to be individual.... 
This contradiction not only makes us suffer.... It also makes us blind and confused. Many of us always feel alone no matter what. Even in a room of a thousand people, and our soul still aches and yearns.... Endless relationships and failed attempts to connect... Many don't understand why.... 
For Our flesh seeks one thing and our soul seeks another.... What pleases our flesh, doesn't fulfill the needs of our soul..... 
Instead of living as one, we live as two...
We shall never find peace and love unless we become whole...


"Jamie Larsen"



I want to know them… I want to learn all there is to know.. I want to strip away the layers of the artificial and created.  I want to see who and what they really are and I want to love them… I want to hold their fragile Image in my arms and cherish this gift… I want to take away their pain, and carry it for them… I want to reveal the hidden, I want to reveal true love…..
Sadly, there are few that wish to be seen….

“Jamie Larsen”

4/7/16

I am here, 
I have always been here,
And I will always be here.
Whether you like it or not,
Here I am....
Standing before you,
A dark cloud consuming you.
All around you, 
I dance
As I softly float on the clouds 
Of existence... 
So uneasy you become,
As you face me, face your 
fate..
Images play in your mind..
All that you have done...
Your torment is yours,
And yours alone...
No matter where you 
go,
No matter how much you
Try to drink me 
away ...
I am here...


"Jamie Larsen"